Ever respond to a SpamScam?
I was in a few recent discussions about how to deal with telemarketers (naturally I was amused having worked for a company that has telecenters), and stumbled upon a common theme: waste their time! You know all those spam scams you get in your e-mail, like the famous Nigerian prince who wants to give you the contents of the country’s coffers? I received one today that was actually pretty well written so I decided to respond to it (on a Hotmail account of course).
—–Original Message—–
From: Barrister John Williams [mailto:barrjohn@earthlink.net]
Sent: Saturday, April 25, 2009 2:26 AM
Subject: Barrister John Williams
From The Desk Of Barrister John Williams
John & Associate Chambers
37 Sathorn Tai Road,
Bangkok Thailand
Email: barrjohnwilliams_bangkok@yahoo.com.hk
Dear Sir/Madam,
Please kindly accept my apology for sending unsolicited mail to you I believe you are a highly respected personality considering the fact that I sourced your profile from a human resource profile database on your country. Though, I do not know to what extent you are familiar with events.
I am Barrister John Williams, a Solicitor. I am the Personal Attorney to Mr.Steve Anderson, who used to work with Siamrak Company Limited. On the 21st of April 2003, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sukhumvit Express Road.
Unfortunately, they all lost their lives in the event of the accident. Since then I have made several enquiries to your Embassy to locate any of my client’s relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet to locate any member of his family but to no avail, hence, I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money left behind by my client in a Finance Company, Particularly, the Finance House where the deceased deposited the US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only).
Consequently, this Finance House issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin to claim the US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only) in their custody within the next ten official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 4 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased to claim the fund as the Next of Kin to him so that the fund will be transferred to your account by the Finance House.
Upon receipt of the fund, I will come over to your country to meet with you for the disbursement of the fund and then you and I will share the money in this order: 50% will be for me, 40% will be for you.While 10% is for execution of the fund incase of any expenses you encountered during the process of the fund into your account. I have all the necessary legal documents that can back our claim we will make with the Finance House.
All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
You are needed as a next of kin to inherit your brother left fund
Best Regards .
Barrister John Williams (Esq).
—–My Response—–
Oh my god!
Really, me?
Never in all my days here in Pahrump, Nevada, did I think such a thing could happen to me!
I would love to help you out, and Pahrump is lovely in July. We even have an airport, but I doubt you can get a direct flight from Bangcock, maybe Tulsa, but not Bangcock.
Yew can stay with us if you want, provided yew don’t mind dogs (or kidz).
I’d be happy to let yew present me as next of kin, as mine’s all ded, that’s why the dogs. They keep me compny.
I’m honest and hard werkin, that is, since I got laid off from the gypsum mine, it’s used to make drywall, they’ve got that in Bancock don’t they? And I could use the money cuz of the mesotheliayomama I got down there.
Yew just let me know. I’ll even have my cousing come pick you up at the airport, or we do have a Trailways bus stop.
If yew don’t want to stay at the trailer wif us, I can talk to Johnny down at the motel and he’ll fix yew up good with a rrom.
Looking forward to your visit, dumbass.
Of course, if this generates some interest, then you should feel free to respond to: Barrister John Williams [mailto:barrjohn@earthlink.net] personally. I think he’d like that (whoever he may be)…Take care and Caveat Emptor goes both ways. 
I did something like that a few years back. I got something in the mail in a manilla envelope marked “Express Mail” with the word “URGENT” in big red type right on the front. Curious, I opened it up to discover a credit card offer. I was hoppin’ mad! Its bad enough that they waste my time, but don’t start trying to toy with my emotions!
Then I remembered a George Carlin bit where he talked about sending his trash to companies that send you junk mail with pre-paid envelopes in them. So I took another credit card offer from a totally different company (left it totally blank), stuffed it in the pre-paid envelope, wrote URGENT all over it in red marker, and dropped it in the mail. You waste my time, I’ll waste your time and money!
Hi,
Thank you! I would now go on this blog every day!
So now I have to ask what the hell is up with the cyrillic posts I’m getting every other day as a response to this post? I’ll copy the next one I get, but it’s getting pretty silly.
As for the George Carlin part, I started doing that, and continue to do so, even if Cyndi says it’s juvenile.