Funny Comments – A Collection
Every once in a while you stumble across some real gems on message boards/forums and I figured I’d start a collection of some of the ones I’ve run across (note that I’m adding to this as they come in, from top to bottom…)
From Mr. Excel user Hermanito:
- Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify. (unknown source)
- My crystal ball broke and my ouija-board is on back-order, so please explain your problem as clear as possible, I don’t want to have a seance with my ancestors to know what’s not working for you!
Recently I was involved in a discussion where a poster wanted some help sorting some data, and was convinced that Excel 2007 doesn’t support sorting despite being given instruction on how to do it:
“Hi Smitty,
Excel 2007 does not have ascending or descending order.”
Ummm, yes it does:
“Yes it does. It’s just cleverly hidden. You can use the keyboard shortcut–> ALT+D+S+S or activate the Data tab, where you’ll find the sort options.”
Finally another poster put us out of our misery with this great response:
“You have two MVPs helping you, and other than turning your monitor upside down I doubt anyone can think of a quicker way.”
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And a classic regarding protecting your code:
“Beware though, that a user with a middling knowledge of VBA will be able to get to your code. Personally I don’t have to worry, as my users are complete nincompoops…”
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Term of the Day: SPREADSHITS
We’ve all seen some absolutely atrocious, poorly designed and less than functional spreadsheet that someone’s developed. I often wonder why people who have no idea of how a good spreadsheet should be designed are given computers in the first place (let alone a driver’s license), but they’re out there, and can generally be found in almost any office.
Based on having to deal with a series of non-functional, poorly designed Excel workbooks distributed by none other than a division president (a Finance guy no less) and not having the ability to correct them let me to coin the appropro term “Spreadshit”.
If you can’t fix ‘em, at least you can make fun of ‘em!
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I had the good fortune to have a few pile on today:
I talked to my boss today and he’s really worry about going down to San Diego next weekend to have a what I am assuming is a biopsy.
His comment to me was that “autopsies are really painful for me…”
I sent him a message:
• “Tell the Dr. to be gentle during your autopsy – they can be fairly painful while you’re alive.”
Then there was the one about the missing solo hiker in Washington who was unfortunately found dead:
• “Her body was discovered by hikers wedged between rocks…”
If that’s the case, then how/where did they find her? More importantly, how did they get out?
And a good one from today on a data entry/integrity issue:
• “it’s all these boneheads that input data from around the country.”
What’s data in different parts of the country have to do with it?
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You are HILARIOUS! I am going to have to remind you to blog more about funny pranks you pulled, like switching the number keys on that guys keypad so they were in teh same order as a telephone?? And it took this guy 2 years to notice!!
I love you!
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I think that would fall under the “Good Excel Practical Jokes, Pranks, Mean Tricks, etc.” category: http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27058&highlight=pranks